Lift yourself up, no one else will have sturdy enough of a hand.

STUPID FUCKING CUSTOMERS!

I don't have enough money to dress up in costume at KublaCon. Just can't afford the materials right now.. or in the past two months I should have been affording them and having the outfit made. Oh well Still can go and that's more important then most.

See in the World of darkness most kindred are afraid of the Tremere clan. The have organization and Magic..

What the fail to realize is the tremere clan, each and every one of them, Hates everybody else in their clan. I would say it's akin to a passive aggressive Fruedian sexual complex. Truly all members of the tremere clan secretly wish they were human again, so they could have hate sex with their clan.


Nope not bitter at all that the clan makes my character learn the most useless diciplines possible for his concept. And what does he do, he starts thinking up functional ways to use his crappy powers, just to not provide his higher ups with a reach around..


Rant and Pant everyone.. Rant and Pant.

Well that is my intention anyway. It fill my life with positive things, and do whatever I can to help my friends achieve the same thing.

I keep wondering why I spend so much time irritated and negative in the past few months. I don't think it was someone else's fault. I think I let things try and deride me from who I am. I have always beleived in the ideas and concepts that go along with Taoism. Mind you I am not a scholar on all of the strictures of the taoist concepts, but I know the most important part of it, and that is that things happen as they do, and energy flows as it will. Therefore knowing everything about it would be impossible for everyone will have to interpret taoism different for we are all our own individuals. But it is about energy it is about learning and about being who you should be. The more I tried to push myself towards things because of those around me I kept forgetting to be me. That is why taoism to me is difficult to walk, but also very interesting. You flow with the way things are, but with humans and how we interact you can't just let things pass by you, people won't always respond well to it and you will lose alot of valuable experiences that way. Instead I must remember I am who I am and I am doing what I feel is right, and as long as I remain conscious of that, and accepting that the things I may want are not what I should have, means I can look at those poeople and situation I hope to bring into my life, and realize that I did so regardless of the outcome. That they influenced me and my life as I needed to be influence, even if it wasn't as I specifically wanted, so eventually someone will bring to me what I need and I want.

I am happy with the outcomes as they have taught me something or revived something in me. My energy is more solid now and I am happy about it.

I have started, join if you dare, I am am gonna try and stick to random odd thoughts, or funny stuff that happens.

Maybe I should rephrase that to the more established first world contries or however that works. Maybe only specifically to our society, or this could just be my faulty perception of things.

The word friend has changed drastically due to technology I think. The instant ability to message or communicate at any time from anywhere should have made friends more functionally closer. I think in alot of ways technology has made the word mean less, we have people on our Technology sites, that we talk about ourselves on, that we never talk to in real life, even when they actually live in the same city/state.

Curious.

Work might be more worthwhile soon..


that is all.

I just took a call from a very lovely and enchanting sounding lady. She didn't work for my company but instead was trying to apply for a job through our online service. I help her with her issue and she thanked me and we proceeded with the end of the call, I tend to know the sound of a phone being put down back on it's cradle pretty well by now. As this sound began I also heard another one, This sound was guttural and wholly juxtapose to the lady i was talking to.

The Mole people have learned to mask as us, they have finally mastered proper human speech and tone, and if they are now trying to work their way into job positions, they must also have mastered the ability to look like us..

Be Weary,

That is all.

I just came up with the idea of a character for fictional consideration.

A person who's skin will write out whatever they are currently concentrating on in thought. Dwelling on subjects and the like. The thought written out is randomly placed along their skin somewhere. Such a person would never want to have any portion of their skin visible.

Nope just decided to start doing it this week.

Went to Gym on tuesday. 45 hours cardio.. with crunch reps afterwards. after that eating very minimal food stores.

Went to Gym Yesterday, another 45 minute cardio. No crunches afterwards since I got distracted. but contact juggled a bit. good arm work out.

Gonna go to gym again tonight, crunches and possible pushups today. at least 45 minute cardio if not a full hour.

Friday looks hectic, so probably recoop day.

Saturday, hopefully at least rock climbing and maybe I will take my jump rope with me santa rosa to get in some cardio. no way I can do that for 45 minutes though ( yet ).

keep going, keep doing it. that's the plan.

oh yeah eating less through out, not starving or dieting, just trying to decide on better options for food.

Take our steps through tenuous times,
masking fears with pungent smiles.

Taste of ecstasy half remembered,
will only temp weakened limbs.

Quickened pulse beyond the break
gives strength so false and brittle
collapse.

Silent intensity pours from eyes
waiting for the gallows plies.

forced to hang from our own expectations.

I don't really get mourning for someone who is gone. I don't want to sound incensitive but I do believe that some of my ancestors had it right. Remember the good things, celebrate how they lived.

So to Taylor:


You went ahead of me man, way to far before me, so I need you to do some things for me. Get in good, make those connections, so you can get me in the door when it's my time.

I will do some stuff for you back here, I will keep my eye out for the Most Pale, Drop dead Gorgous Gloom Cookie, and I will wage her attractiveness with your voice as my guide. "I'd Do her in the BUTT, and then I would still her WHAM CD's"

Thanks for being someone who always made me laugh. You were always a positive person to me and those I knew, Keep on rockin until again we cross paths.

Happy Holidays to all. hope your with those that make your days brighter.

I want to write, and I am having a problem with figuring out what to write about. So I have decided to write a very descriptive and possibly anicdotal deconstruction of the people around me. More then anything to stretch and test my writing capabilities. Please let me know if you want me to do so for you, I will start with those who want me to. Though I can't garuntee I will let you see the finished product. This will be no punches as I grasp at anything I feel the need to be descriptive about.

one of my favorite poems I wrote.


Shower thoughts



With alarm clock notice a new day comes.
Sleep is heavy, but can be peeled back
Like blankets. The shower awaits and routine
Is the special of the day.

The water pours and the world fades away.
Streams of insight sprays, splatters, into globular scenarios.
Producing painful pelts of temperate conscious,
to rectify delusions of nocturnal grandeur.

Mineral manipulation pours freely, steaming sleepy synapses;
ironing intoxicated wonder into washcloth wisdom.


Soapy Serendipity washed away
drained away in brilliance rivers.
Along byways of body curves
slips intangible introspect;
into the drain of mundane.

1) Where did you begin 2008? At Lindsey's Condo where I was Renting.

2) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Nope

3) How did you earn your money?
Sutter health

4) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yeah I work for Sutter health

5) Did you have any encounters with the police?
umm My Police friend, he hit on me.

6) Where did you go on the holidays?
Sister's For ThanksGiving, and probably again for Christmas.

7) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Car.

8) Did you know anybody who got married?
Yep Hoppie.

9) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Knew of, never cared to know him.

10) Did you move anywhere?
Not yet

11) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Kinda Warp 11

12) Are you registered to vote?
thought I was.

13) Who did you want to win The Pick-up Artist 2?
the what?

14) Where do you live now?
Citrus Heights Sacramento

15) Describe your birthday?
Drinking and Violet wand.

16) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Get divorced.

17) What has been your favorite moment?
Too many to decide.

18) What's something you learned about yourself?
Karma is never positive, and I realize that most of my displeasure is based of that concept.

19) Any new additions to your family?
Not my family.

20) What was your best month?
Sept

21) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Dresden Dolls.

22) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Steph. closest I can think to the person I have gotten drunk around the most,and was actually drinking too.. and Jeger

23) Made new friends?
yes

24) New best friend?
no

25) Favorite Night out?
ever? so far? playing pool with brandon, steph, greg, josh, and Lizz.

So when I am planning to head out of town for any period of time I always try very hard to gather everthing I need to gather and have it read. Of course I am me so being scatterbrained in regards to getting things together is pretty much the special of the day, every day. So I get everything I will need, I grab lots of different clothers, lots of different bags and my blankets and pillow, so wherever I crash I may possibly be warm. I grab my warmer jacket, cause it's Santa Rosa and it's 34 degrees here this morning, I am assuming it's at least cold of not colder there, cause it usually is.

So because I grab my warmer jacket and take off with all my organization done, what happens. I leave my phone charger in my other jacket the day before, and thus have no phone charger on me. my phone eats battery like it's candy cover cake. So I have to make another stop on my way out after work to get my charger.. BOO me.

new place to move into in a week, a month to pack up and clean up. even though it seems like I have no time.. Then again I haven't been home but to sleep almost this entire weekend and heading into the weekend.